Thursday, August 18, 2005
Emotional Vomiting:
I just had a terrible row with my spouse - she is so high maintenance I can't handle it sometimes. And then she says sorry and thinks it's all fine - arguing with her is like stepping into quicksand; she sucks you in until you're completely slimed, and then she spits you out and smiles lovingly at you. Anything that I say in response to her - if it isn't what she wants to hear - she labels as 'defensiveness' and discards. She says I don't hear her. Did I mention I do counseling for a living - she is the only person on earth who has ever said I'm a bad listener. Did I mention she's very critical and confrontational and domineering. She's had a long history of trouble with co-workers and bosses re: this. I've never gotten feedback that I had such issues - until I met her. Does that sound like projection to anyone?? I've never shutdown like this before. I just don't have a single thing I want to say to her right now. Everything I can think of saying, I then think 'fuck it'. I know what she'll say - I can recite our lines ad nauseum. She is so critical, and so fragile in re: to taking in others' criticisms. The poster child for the saying 'can give it out, can't take it'. I don't even mean to criticize her - I just want to share my thoughts, feelings, reactions re: what she's saying to me, about me, at me. But if she doesn't like it, she says I'm deflecting from the 'true' issue, which is of course about my not listening to her. She then repeats what she's said over and over again - I think the ultimate goal is that I agree with her, say she's right and I'm wrong, and apologize, no matter what. Who isn't listening to who, here??????? I'm not her counselor - I'm not going to neutrally listen indefinately as she slings verbal crap at me - especially when it is about me - 'You made me feel bad with your nonverbal communication' - what the fuck is that???? So much for owning one's feelings. Whatever happened to 'I' statements??? Did I mention she frowns, eye rolls and sighs heavily more than ANYONE I know??? Of course, she says she's had these mannerisms her whole life and to deal with it and I make her feel bad by mentioning it. She's insane. Guess I am too.....
I just had a terrible row with my spouse - she is so high maintenance I can't handle it sometimes. And then she says sorry and thinks it's all fine - arguing with her is like stepping into quicksand; she sucks you in until you're completely slimed, and then she spits you out and smiles lovingly at you. Anything that I say in response to her - if it isn't what she wants to hear - she labels as 'defensiveness' and discards. She says I don't hear her. Did I mention I do counseling for a living - she is the only person on earth who has ever said I'm a bad listener. Did I mention she's very critical and confrontational and domineering. She's had a long history of trouble with co-workers and bosses re: this. I've never gotten feedback that I had such issues - until I met her. Does that sound like projection to anyone?? I've never shutdown like this before. I just don't have a single thing I want to say to her right now. Everything I can think of saying, I then think 'fuck it'. I know what she'll say - I can recite our lines ad nauseum. She is so critical, and so fragile in re: to taking in others' criticisms. The poster child for the saying 'can give it out, can't take it'. I don't even mean to criticize her - I just want to share my thoughts, feelings, reactions re: what she's saying to me, about me, at me. But if she doesn't like it, she says I'm deflecting from the 'true' issue, which is of course about my not listening to her. She then repeats what she's said over and over again - I think the ultimate goal is that I agree with her, say she's right and I'm wrong, and apologize, no matter what. Who isn't listening to who, here??????? I'm not her counselor - I'm not going to neutrally listen indefinately as she slings verbal crap at me - especially when it is about me - 'You made me feel bad with your nonverbal communication' - what the fuck is that???? So much for owning one's feelings. Whatever happened to 'I' statements??? Did I mention she frowns, eye rolls and sighs heavily more than ANYONE I know??? Of course, she says she's had these mannerisms her whole life and to deal with it and I make her feel bad by mentioning it. She's insane. Guess I am too.....
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